Why My Dad Is Awesome

I know what a lot of you are thinking: "Man! These BroBroBroDude guys are so awesome and funny! I wonder where they get it from!!" Well I get my awesomeness from my dad. There are tons of stories that will prove how cool my dad is. I am only going to share one with you today, but if it is a hit I'll tell you all some more. Every Fourth of July my dad would go over to his friends basement and buy ridiculous amounts of illegal fireworks. He did this partly because my brothers and I loved the firewords and partly because he loved blowing shit up. I had a cousin who came over every year to watch my dad set off these fireworks, and every year he would ask my dad three hundred million times if he could set some off. One year my dad finally gave in and let him light one off...now let me describe my cousin to you for a little. At the time he was probably around fourteen or fifteen years old. He was about 5 foot 7 and weighed like 240 pounds. He was the type of kid who's wardrobe consisted of NBA basketball jerseys and jean shorts stopped right above his ankles. So obviously I was already hoping the firecracker would go off in his hand...And it almost did. He let go at the last second and only burnt his thumb. He ran up to my dad who was setting up the next explosion; "Uncle Eddy! Uncle Eddy! I burnt my thumb what do i do?!" Now my cousin only saw my dad around the Fourth of July so he didn't know that you can't take anything he says seriously because my dad just blurts out the first thing to cross through his head and it's usually something that would never cross through anyone elses head on earth. My dad immediately told my cousin that the best way to cure a burnt thumb is to: "stick an ice cube in your ass then jam your thumb up there." Now everyone had their little laugh and went back to celebrating....until my brother walked into the backyard. He heard some groaning and grunting and decided to investigate. My brother turned the corner of our tool shed to find our porky cousin with his jeans around his knees and his thumb in his ass. This is the first example of why my dad is awesome.