It’s Friday night, I’m sipping on “my drank” and I, for the most part, am having a good time. The week of troubles being washed away 12oz at a time from a clear plastic cup of brown alcoholic nectar. Then, it happens, a song that has plagued my ears more than a thousand times starts. The cackling of the pack of girls standing near me fades out into inane screams of, “OH MY GOD YAAAAAAY!” The group of assholes I saw earlier are now wrapped in each others’ arms swaying back and forth to the rhythm of the song. My mind begins to process all the information that is occurring around me. A single thought pops into my head, “Fuck…”
The fact that I even have to address this issue is beyond tedium. The hebetudinous of the people that participate in these exercises in idiocy frustrate me to the point of complete mental exhaustion. The act leaves me in a somewhat phlegmatic state, where I can do nothing but shit and piss myself while staring at my dilapidated Brookwood off white ceiling tiles. Why do the masses feel that this practice is necessary? It is completely incompetent. What I am talking about is group singing at parties.
First off, the majority of people who participate in this most likely do not listen to Bon Jovi or Journey while they are alone, so why is it necessary to scream the lyrics of these songs in a social setting with a bunch of other blithering idiots? No response? Well, fortunately for you I have formulated several hypotheses for this.
Hypothesis 1: Idiots have become self aware, if this is the case then the singing is acting as some sort of town bell, a bat signal if you will. Unlike Gotham’s Dark Knight it seems that this signal is more of a calling out to the world that, “Hey I’m a fucking idiot! Where my peers at ya herrrrrr maaayy???” Typically afterwards I would imagine they gather together in primitive groups discussing anything ranging from how many paint chips it took them to eat to get high last Tuesday or how long they tried fitting the square block in the circle hole before coming to the party.
Hypothesis 2: It is a mating call to other dumbass mother fuckers of the opposite sex. I have come to this hypothesis from extensive field work and observation. Unfortunately I believe that my IQ may have dropped a couple of points while being constantly surrounded by these individuals. BUT, that was a sacrifice I was willing to make for science. Back to what I was saying, typically a male will be in charge of the musical device and will prompt the singing (more on him later). When this happens the females will follow suit. Thus, it must be some sort of idiot mating ritual, which is probably followed by 30 seconds of belly button sex between the two.
Hypothesis 3: There is no answer. The situation is so fucking dumb that it is beyond the possibility of explanation entirely. Even through vigorous contemplation and deductive reasoning, the obtuse nature of the act must be completely incomprehensible.
One can only postulate as to which of these is actually true, some would surmise that further pontification on the subject would be dispensable. However, this is Brobrobrodude.blogspot.com, which means you need to shut that filthy fucking sewer you call a mouth and listen.
The final topic that I have to discuss before I bring this disquisition to a close, this is the subject of the fuckhole that I have deemed, “Teh Clown”.
This is the individual is the one who leads the parade of fools in song and will fall under the category of tool if in a frat/sorority. He/She is the loudest mother fuck in the immediate area, moreover, this person has the annoying characteristic of knowing every fucking word in every dumb fuck song. This person unfortunately is in control of the music device and continually puts stupid shit on, namely sing along songs. The mind reels when trying to understand the “Teh Clown” through rational thought. “Teh Clown” tries to gain recognition from their peers by doing this, unfortunately for him/her it is self defeating in its stupidity. Why? A.) it’s not cool B.) it’s not cool C.) you look like a fucking idiot screaming at Bon Jovi at the top of your lungs D.) you aren’t cool singing like an idiot because Bon Jovi has been doing it for over 20 years and he still isn’t cool so what could you possibly hope to accomplish, you might as well turn down the dumbass knob in your life and not do it.
I’m done
F- Out
Failing to prevent human devolution since 1987
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